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But life is unfair and often, but not always, life comes down disproportionately hard on the women in these relationships.

And it is always a lot of work, sometimes even more work, but I do believe that we are all the better for people like you who are willing to bridge the divide.

Someone who cares about you won’t keep you a secret. In fact, it’s clear to me that you know all that you need to know, you just want someone to affirm it for you. This situation is so common that over the nearly 2 decades of my life as an adult Muslim, it’s almost become cliché. You will lose more often than you win and for every hard-won, heart-wrenching victory born from arguments, tears, anger, lust, and love, there will be a million small and large losses that rob you of your self-respect.

I don’t say this to hurt you, but I need to my words to pierce through any illusions you may be swaddling yourself in. When your illusions stop swaddling, and start choking you, and you finally have the strength to end it, you’ll be left half the woman you are now. Leave now while it hurts a little and you still have some dignity.

He may say that he is still figuring things out and trying to sort out his life. And discuss the challenges that lie ahead of you: the similarities, the differences, the shared life goals, the different life goals.