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Justin and I had dated off and on for years, and some part of me always believed we would end up married. I was quiet, studious, painfully shy; he was full of boisterous energy and crude jokes.

Prison relationships, in particular, “tend to be built mostly on fantasy of the other,” Harley Conner assures me.

Conner is a doctoral candidate in clinical psychology at George Washington University who has worked as a probation counselor to jailed youth and has conducted clinical work in forensic and correctional settings for about three years.

I was the girl who had always known what she wanted, the girl who was finally going to make her family proud, but I felt my drive and ambition draining away.

I no longer had to push myself to maintain a full-time job and a decent GPA and good social standing, so I swung to the other extreme.

But as his school detentions led to expulsions and, eventually, arrests for possession of weed and then burglaries, we fell out of touch.