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The second is responsibility, responding to his or her expressed and unexpressed needs (particularly, in an adult relationship, emotional needs).

The third is respect, "the ability to see a person as he [or she] is, to be aware of his [or her] unique individuality," and, consequently, wanting that person to "grow and unfold as he [or she] is." These three components all depend upon the fourth, knowledge.

It exists in a number of different versions, none of which are considered either canonical or normative within rabbinic literature, But they also show a paradoxical respect for Jesus.

As Joseph Dan notes in the Encyclopedia Judaica, "The narrative in all versions treats Jesus as an exceptional person who from his youth demonstrated unusual wit and wisdom, but disrespect toward his elders and the sages of his age." This scurrilous fable of the life of Jesus is a medieval work, probably written down in the tenth century. Though its contents enjoyed a certain currency in the oral traditions of the Jewish masses, it was almost totally ignored by official or scholarly Judaism.

A woman I know once explained why she's been happily married for 25 years.

"A relationship has its ups and downs," she told me.

True giving, as Erich Fromm points out, is other-oriented, and requires four elements.

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